Our identity is shaped from our childhood environment.

Our life journey contains many traumatic experiences and events, some are from our direct experiences and others are inherited from the generations of our family lines,

Our sense of self is formed, the inner narrative, our fictional self, the false Identity takes shape from all our external experiences of life.

The Environment we are grown in effects who we believe our self to be .For example how were our parents,?what is our family lineage?, what schooling did we experience?, What was the community of our upbringing?, the religion our parents followed, the cultural backgrounds of our family, the influences of the grandparent’s old culture if they immigrated, The Political structures they left due to War or economic hardship, The treatment and conditioning we received from outside of our self as we grew, we learnt how to fit in, because our survival depends on surrendering our true nature, we learnt false beliefs around how to receive love.

Much of our identity from external experiences. The interaction with others, the conditioning or programming, the labels,roles taken on, become the stories we tell ourselves internally,masks of protection-we wear as armour all creates our self worth,our beliefs.They all combine to form our sense of who we believe ourselves to be internally (Self Belief) Often we try to show the world we are ok,fine, normal, when internally we feel very differently, in our search for love and connection we disconnect from our Soul, our Essence,our authentic self- we sell ourselves to fit in and to feel accepted.

There is never a minute when conciously or unconciously we are not attuned to the reactions of others.In our search for love and connection we fall under the spell of approval,attention,appreciation. Sucess, prestige, power over,become a quest to prove our worthiness, we become dependent on others for our sense of self. Others then have power over making us happy or sad,

Another layer is, as children we want to, or do see our adults as the all knowing one’s, maybe as our super heroes, they do have our survival largely in their grasp. We get conditioned to believe so, plus our survival depends on them as our providers of food shelter love physical and emotional nourishment.When Mum or Dad is upset, we likely believe we are the source of their upset, we may take on the blame and have no idea or even the capacity to understand, what Mum or Dad are carrying into adult life from their childhood nor the generational patterns, beliefs. Trauma imprinted into their DNA.

Then as Teenagers we try to separate from the family bondage, to find our way in the world, life pretty much becomes ourselves as the central focus “it’s all about me”! Can be the central focus likely rebelling against the parent figures or being the pleaser and steeping into unwanted career paths to fulfil a parents unfulfilled dream. Eventually may be come parents our selfs we marry not only the one we fall in love with, but we take on all their hidden growing years trauma plus their whole family generational lines and they in turn take on ours! All a very volatile mix yes!

Relationships of any kind, particularly intimate ones show us a lot about ourselves and can bring lots of invisible wounds to the surface often unrecognised show up as over reactions and strong responses, triggers, some from our personal life experiences some past on through our generational lineage what happens if they go unacknowledged?, on they pass to your children. What can we do? Well you could numb the feelings with drugs alcohol, yet likely outcome of that is addiction at best, at worst in the intoxicated state come to abusing your loved ones, creating further layers of trauma in the family, you could try to hold it all in till depression sets in, our maybe it’s your partner swimming in their grief loss ,betrayal, abandonment, shame! Try to navigate that path ,mostly likely though it’s a combination from both of your lived experiences and those who proceeded you both.

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