I was listening to some men talking about their elderly fathers who had both recently past over at age of 90. One man mentioned his father was always very detached, not emotionally available! This got me curious from a family constellation perspective what may have caused his father to be disconnected? To be 90 years old here in year 2022 which would take Fathers birth back to around 1932, a pretty significant era in history particularly given his Father life was in Europe .To be birthed at such a time in history, growing up in a period of so much political unrest.
His father would go from age 0 to 13 during The Great Depression and WW2 then into his teens as Europe endeavoured to clean up and rebuild after WW2. One can imagine a very fearful time, full of loss and grief, which largely would not be expressed openly as was the way of that era and by and large still is today for most! Que. “how are you”? “good” ? “yeah fine?”
Then go back a generation to Great Grandfather let’s say Father born in 1932 Great Grandfather was likely born around 1900 to 1912 WW1 would be the time Great Grandfather grew up in Europe again a very traumatic time in history especially Europe.
Picture yourself as a young boy then think about what that possibly could be like for Father and Grandfather Father, especially not only dealing with his own nervous system on high alert but also his father’s experiences of WW1 playing out unconsciously, even if neither had to physically serve as soldiers, it would still be a very challenging time to live through.
The daily narrative of trying to survive economically then war do duty for king queen, country protect your family etc threats of coward shaming, white feathers ,”be a man, boys don’t cry, Man up,” all that in every narrative.
Then bring the mothers line into the mix as well baby from conception likely growing in the womb of a nervous young mother.
A lot of personal and massive collective trauma involved. No great surprise that people shutdown and never recover! Function but never fully living.
Traumatic events as many of you will recognise shut us down, in part some people speak of leaving the body or not feeling like their fully in their body.
I’d be reasonable confident most of us have experienced some form of trauma or traumatic events likely what got you to Menswellbeing in first instance!.
Another layer is, as children we want to, or do see our adult s as the all knowing one’s, maybe as our super heroes, they do have our survival largely in their grasp. We get conditioned to believe so, plus our survival depends on them as our providers of food shelter love physical and emotional nourishment.
When Mum or Dad is upset, we likely believe we are the source of their upset, we may take on the blame and have no idea or even the capacity to understand, what Mum or Dad are carrying into adult life from their childhood nor the generational patterns, beliefs. Trauma imprinted into their DNA.
Then as Teenagers we try to separate from the family bondage, to find our way in the world, life pretty much becomes ourselves as the central focus “it’s all about me”! Can be the central focus likely rebelling against the parent figures or being the pleaser and steeping into unwanted career paths to fulfil a parents unfulfilled dream. Eventually may be come parents our selfs we marry not only the one we fall in love with, but we take on all their hidden growing years trauma plus their whole family generational lines and they in turn take on ours! All a very volatile mix yes!
Relationship of any kind, particularly intimate ones show us a lot about ourselves and can bring lots of invisible wounds to the surface often unrecognised show up as over reactions and strong responses, triggers, some from our personal life experiences some past on through our generational lineage what happens if they go unacknowledged?, on they pass to your children. What can we do? Well you could numb the feelings with drugs alcohol, yet likely outcome of that is addiction at best, at worst in the intoxicated state come to abusing your loved ones, creating further layers of trauma in the family, you could try to hold it all in till depression sets in, our maybe it’s your partner swimming in their grief loss ,betrayal, abandonment, shame! Try to navigate that path ,mostly likely though it’s a combination from both of your lived experiences and those who proceeded you both.
What can we do? Rapid Core Healing which deals with shifting the energetic imprints of trauma accessing the subconscious layers in order to through expressing and acknowledging releasing using family systems constellation therapy and the childhood traumatic experiences through Emotional Mind Integration
Our parents and grandparents, great grandparents where primarily in survival mode doing the best the could with what the had.We have a mostly had more freedom and more awareness more access to taking the next steps to healing the gapping wounds in the family system or we could do nothing and pass it onto our children and grandchildren or it could stop with us!
‘If more human beings worked through their inner hurts to a place of inner peace and self love would they still treat the outside environment so poorly’?
The state of the outer world is the reflection of the collective inner world with enough inner healing will the scales tip the other way and the world healing speed up. One things for sure Mother Nature has proven time and time again how she can heal herself without us having to rescue.
We could follow natures lead heal our own inner wounds save the world.
It’s an inside job it starts with you .